Independence

Good morning!

I realized I haven't sat down in a while to tell all of you a good story.  I've been racking my brain, trying to think of all the things that make me feel better about myself and which of those might help some of you.

So,

STORY TIME!!!

Ever since I can remember, I've had this longing to be in a romantic relationship. I don't know where it came from or why I put romance on this pedestal, but it's always been there. (I mean, think about it, this is only the 3rd story I've told you and the 3rd time I've mentioned relationships.) My inability to find someone made me so depressed from a very young age. Imagine, a 10 year-old having a "mid-life crisis" because she's single. That was me. It got to the point where I obsessed over it all the time and it was my main goal in life. I didn't realize until I was 17, not long before my Senior year of high school started, that my obsession over being in a relationship would probably lead to having a lot of anxiety while I was in one. I did a lot of thinking and discovered how unhappy I was with the people I surrounded myself with. Most of my friends throughout my life were complete jerks and didn't respect me. So, when the school year started, I made a point of being by myself as much as possible. I was sick of wasting my time on people who made me unhappy. Of course, I regularly had to remind myself that during this time, it was my own choice to be alone, and that if I wanted to sit with people at lunchtime, I could. This was about me, though. I needed to become more dependent on myself to be happy rather than counting on everyone else. And relating this back to relationships, if I couldn't be happy alone, I couldn't truly be happy with someone else. It would be a terrible burden for anyone to be the sole source of someone else's happiness.

I like how people always looked at me with pity when I sat alone in my classes, as if I wasn't normal.  Of course, those were the very people I was avoiding.

Eventually, though, I learned to keep myself great company and had much fewer superficial conversations. Honestly, people who truly spend most of their time criticising others lead very depressing lives. I know because I was one of them. My old friends loved to gossip about everyone else, and I joined in so I could have a little of the attention for myself. It wasn't worth it.

Sometimes, it's the people in our lives who make us unhappy, and sometimes they make us forget who we really are. You can shape your life however you want to, you just have to know yourself first.

Until Next Time!
Happy Living!